Humor, Compassion, Understanding

I was just sitting at the computer using dictionary.com to understand every possible meaning of the word retrograde. I began to think about the probabilty of my using the word in the near future, and then I began to think about how an extensive vocabulary is practically useless in my current situation. I don´t claim to be a brilliant writer or speaker and I don´t have a particularly steller vocabulary, most often I´ll read a ¨big¨ word I like, use it once or twice and then forget about it. *see retrograde

I think partly because my parents placed such a high value in education and partly because caroline burke was adament about having the most eloquent parlance throughout our childhood, I´ve had it engrained in my mind for years that looking, or rather sounding, smart was as important as being: a good person, likeable.. etc.
I don´t think I am educated or articulate enough to express exactly what Im trying to get at here, but bear with me while I try.

You see, intelligence has always been in my top three must-have qualities and one that I used as a means of judging people that have come in and out of my life. The sure way of knowing whether or not someone possesses the standard of intelligence that is required in order to gain my respect, is by listening to them speak. I believe that there are unlimited representations of intelligence and academia doesn´t have to play a part at all, clearly artists, musicians, and dog trainers are geniuses in my opinion.

My point is that I have been unable to fall back on 19 years of judgement and scrutiny because I can´t understand 90% of the things I hear on a daily basis. I was wondering why the spanish friends I´ve made want to hang out with me and if, when the novelty wears off, they´ll simply see me as I am, a confused american mumbling about how great the public transportation is. And them! Am I still a little desperate for companionship? I mean, they are so incredibly nice and patient and fun, but how can I know them- really, really know them- with this barrier of misunderstanding? They´re the kind of 90´s, marilyn manson fans, ex-rebellious teens who generally listen to death metal when Im not around (things mercedes used to play in the dorm room when we were in a fight), the girls wear really dark lipstick and lots of black. I know that these are not people I would ever really associate myself with in America, except stripped of my pretentious vocabulary and lofty judgements Im proud to walk beside them because they are so genuinly kickass.

I think I am extremely vulnerable and therefore have discovered humility based on my lingual ingnorance, and I find those top three qualities have changed a bit.
My personal paradigm has shifted as well, and I am looking at myself in a whole new light. What are the qualities that make me desirable as a friend? I thought I knew, but clearly I still have many things to learn.

missing me should be a full time job, love.