I dressed indecisively, picking up and then refolding (see rolling into a clothes ball) my father's striped button down. The discerning ear of my across-the-hall-neighbor may awaken and realize that, after hearing the same dresser drawer creak opppppppppen and closed four or five times, I am an almost 23 year old that has as hard a time dressing herself as a 3 year old. To be fair, I did not try to wear a wedding veil or my mother's high heels today.
I ate granola for breakfast and thought about making a joke about hippies before reasoning with myself that it was too tough a crowd. I sat in silence. Unexpectedly, and though I told myself I wouldn't, I blurt out, "you know what song I have stuck in my head?"
Silence.
"'Jeremy' by Pearl Jam. Weird right?"
Silence.
I quickly grab a knife and plunge it into my achilles' heel. Ouch.
All of this is followed by manual labor which Kerouac told me would bore you. Carrots, tomatoes, bitches and hoes. I pollinate tomato flowers. They get more action in one week than I will get in my entire life. You see, you apply a vibrator directly to the stem to stimulate... you know the drill. I hum "Sexual Healing" throughout.
Midday I die a little inside. I drink coffee and am resurrected, sort of. I milk a cow and think of Oliver and I die again.
My fellow city dweller/part time college graduate/ new best friend (situationally, he is literally the best friend I have within a three hour drive, so..) is by my side all day. Solidarity, man. We smoke a doob and jam. No, not really. We make tea for each other and stare at the floor. His haircut reminds me of the good parts about the 80s. (John Cryer?)
I don't think about Perez Hilton all day. ha-ha! The trees have rendered me impervious to your powers. I succumb to cocoperez later in the day and am disappointed to find that it only has one page of updates. boo. do your job better hombre.
I kind of milk a cow. The resident milker walks fast and in the opposite direction from where I am standing and telling him I want to milk a cow. Second best friend? My card is filling up fast. Look out world I am the 8th most popular person in this house. 18th most popular on the whole farm. There's a rabid cat, so obviously I beat him I think.
I really had a nice day. It rained but was cool enough not to sweat too much- we all know how I hate sweating. Clearly, I was born to farm.
